well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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