There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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