My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
