in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
