Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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