I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize