I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
