Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We named our party play list daddy issues
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
bring money and cleavage
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
