community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
