I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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