I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
