just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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