Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
