i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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