SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
