i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
are you so shy because you have an std?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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