omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dignity is for republicans.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
