My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
