3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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