never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
