everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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