question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize