He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
