I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
