Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
