I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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