their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
