Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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