The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
