he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
