he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
