I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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