I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
sex in a hospital.. check
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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