Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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