What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
