when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize