I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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