remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
