I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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