this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
