So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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