talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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