he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
