Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he thought i was a dude.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
