It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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