well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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