The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm passing your future prison.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
