I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
