I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
