A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How's work?
Spinning.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
