Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
