5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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