I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
