why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
