I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
