Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize