My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
