Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
