im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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