Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
