Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
