Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize