just tell him i said nine months
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
