ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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