We won't sleep together?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
