Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
