ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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