so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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