'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
