I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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