this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
