remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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