I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
