I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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