On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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