I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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