Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
not ubering you a puppy
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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