I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
