i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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