this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
