guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
