Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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