Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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