I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
