So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
