I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
