When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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