I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize