Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
no, he came in my armpit
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
