and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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