I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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