Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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