It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
