Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
