Me. At least after what I've been through.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
