I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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