Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize