Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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