dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
