So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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