will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
