he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
